i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nutella sex= disaster
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
