i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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