I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
