I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
