Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dicks are not precious.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
