She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
