he thought i was a dude.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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