The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
