I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
