so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
