my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
