she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
