quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
