I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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