that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
