You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
