youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
