someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
