I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
