I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
