i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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