I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
