there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
