I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
send nudes
from the living room?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
