I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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