I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
