I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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