This is not my ceiling
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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