My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
