You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
