I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
