she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
