My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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