You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
