Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
