I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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