It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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