Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
