the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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