i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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