There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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