Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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