If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
