Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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