she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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