im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
