I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
