Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
