it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
