she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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